paradigm shift
“The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is, there’s no ground.” – Chögyam Trungpa
Grinding and hustling is glorified just as expected in a consumption-based, capitalist society. Until recently, I was in the grips of this activity-based-self-worth pattern. As usual, my version of “the game” had trappings of a “higher calling,” but analyzed from a truth/un-truth perspective, I was just as guilty as anyone else unconsciously in the rat race. As my perspective has shifted, operating from an egoic paradigm seems unfathomable.
The old patterns do not disappear instantly upon Truth realization (or, as Jed would say, “un-truth unrealization”), as the relative world (egoic self) still has a lifetime of inertia behind it. The new paradigm doesn’t mean that I’m walking around totally awake and completely equanimous towards my experiences. But there has been a significant shift in my baseline level of arousal or agitation. The problem-seeking-problem-solving activity of the mind (that anyone with an ounce of introspection is all too familiar with) is muffled. Instead of feeling compelled to stay in “productive motion,” I am pretty comfortable sitting back and observing. Instead of trying to optimize my schedule, I’m actively eliminating everything that removes me from flowing naturally.
In doing less, my goal is not to free up headspace and bandwidth for the big stuff. That sort of thinking is a hallmark of the old paradigm–mistaking one ephemeral appearance for a “more important” ephemeral appearance. That’s the difference between this paradigm shift and previous incarnations of “leveling up.” The paradigm shift from self to no-self is awakening, whereas the leveling-up process speaks to the self-improvement project. It used to be “delegate to elevate”, i.e., delegate the less important to work on next-level projects, but now it’s “observe and surrender.”
losing interest in the relative world + work
My quarter-life crisis that kicked off the contemplative path was geared toward trying to make sense of the world and my role in it. It was a major step in maturing, but it was more like the ego looking for a more appealing outfit, not the total destruction of itself. Until recently, I cared deeply about shaping a better world, doing the most good possible, and how to lead a productive, purposeful life. The sort of planning and projection necessary to “change the world” isn’t possible from this new paradigm.
I continue to show up in the world doing things that appear to be work, though my actions are no longer done with the same energy, intensity, or general tone. It may sound a bit crazy, but it’s been almost two months of doing what I want to do almost every second of the day. If I don’t want to have a meeting, I cancel it. I don’t feel any impetus to respond to emails and texts some days, and I have a flurry of interactions on others. This mode of functioning may not be ideal in my role as CEO of the Advaita Collective. I’ve attempted to mitigate destabilizing results by communicating this new paradigm/way of functioning to my direct reports. But there is no way of knowing how things will unfold–it was always grasping at air.
The old paradigm is still very familiar, and I wonder if things don’t go well for me if I go running back, but it’s unlikely. You can’t unjump off a cliff.
